By Willow Duffy, CEO, Safeguarding Children
November 2025
Getting help is prevention: finding support for concerning sexual thoughts about children
The revelations about former Deputy Police Commissioner Jevon McSkimming are horrific.
A senior leader with immense power and access, using work devices over years to search for extreme and abusive content involving children, is not a lapse in judgement. It is a profound breach of trust and a warning about culture, systems, and whose safety is really being prioritised. The pattern described publicly – escalating consumption, searching for more extreme material over time – is tragically consistent with what child protection experts see in online offending. See New Zealand Herald article.
If this can happen at the very top of an institution tasked with upholding the law, our response cannot stop at one individual.
We need to confront the uncomfortable truth that some people, including people we known, live and work with, and those in positions of authority, are struggling with a sexual interest in children or with escalating, harmful online behaviour.
Ignoring this reality does not protect children.
Where this really starts: shame, secrecy, and the internet
Adults who first experience sexual thoughts about children are usually deeply distressed by them. Many never offend. They know the thoughts are wrong. They feel sickened, frightened of themselves, determined never to cross a line.
But shame and fear are powerful silencers.
When people believe they can never safely say, “I am worried about my thoughts” or “I am scared by what I am looking at online,” they do not walk into a clinic or call HR. They turn to the internet alone.
That is where a dangerous shift can begin:
- Search results and algorithms push more of the same.
- Anonymous forums and chat groups offer validation and minimise harm.
- Curiosity becomes compulsive viewing.
- “Borderline” content slides into clearly illegal child sexual abuse material.
- For some, that pathway continues into more extreme, hidden spaces.
International research and frontline experience show that for a portion of people, escalating use, tolerance, and normalisation are real risks. See Australian Institute of Criminology Preventing child sexual abuse material offending: An international review of initiatives (PDF 1.4MB).
That journey is not inevitable. It is exactly where early, confidential help can change the outcome.
Early help is child protection, not sympathy for offenders
Talking about early help for people who are worried about their sexual thoughts or behaviour involving children is not about excusing abuse.
It is about preventing abuse.
Evidence from international public health approaches such as Stop It Now and the Prevention Project Dunkelfeld shows that offering anonymous, specialist support can reduce known risk factors, support self-control, and create a real alternative to secrecy and escalation.
When we make visible, credible pathways for people to say: “I am scared by my thoughts. I do not want to harm a child. I need help.”
By doing this we are acting squarely in the interests of children.
Prevention is not only teaching children to speak up or improving reporting once harm has occurred. Prevention includes:
- Reaching adults who are at risk before they offend.
- Disrupting the online pathways that pull people deeper into harmful material.
- Making it normal, expected, and responsible to seek help early.
Early help is one of the missing pieces in Aotearoa New Zealand’s response to the prevention of child sexual abuse, yet help is out there if people know and feel safe.
What organisations must do now
The McSkimming case underlines that we can no longer afford to leave that space to anonymous forums, the dark web, or organisational discomfort.
Any organisation should be asking today:
If someone here was escalating towards abusive online behaviour, would our systems catch it, and would we know what to do?
Prevention requires both accountability and support:
- Treat this as a safeguarding issue, not just an IT problem
Clear, enforced policies on inappropriate and illegal online activity must sit inside organisational safeguarding frameworks, not only in cybersecurity manuals. - Monitor organisational devices with real follow up
Where lawful and appropriate, monitoring systems should be in place, understood, and acted on. Concerning patterns must trigger safeguarding and professional responses, not quiet conversations and hope. - Provide confidential pathways to help.
Make it explicit that staff who are worried about their thoughts or online behaviour can access confidential support without waiting until a crime has been committed. This includes EAP services and specialist external programmes. - Respond to red flags as protection concerns
Concerning searches or patterns on work systems are never a “private matter” or a reputational issue to bury. They are safeguarding red flags that require a structured response to protect children and support safe decisions. - Promote evidence-informed early intervention
Embed prevention messaging and pathways into codes of conduct, induction, supervision, leadership development, and wellbeing strategies. Zero tolerance for abuse and meaningful avenues for early help are not opposites. They are two sides of a serious, grown-up approach to protecting children.
Where to seek help in Aotearoa New Zealand
If you are frightened by your own thoughts or online behaviour, or you are worried about someone close to you, there is confidential, specialist help:
- Safe Network – Upper North Island
Specialist support for adults, adolescents, and children with concerning or harmful sexual behaviour or sexual thoughts involving children.
Visit: safenetwork.org.nz - STOP – South Island
Community-based services for adults, adolescents, and children who have engaged in, or are at risk of, harmful sexual behaviour.
Visit: stop.org.nz - WellStop – Lower North Island
Services for adults, young people, and children with harmful or concerning sexual behaviour, or worries about their thoughts.
Visit: wellstop.org.nz - Safe to Talk – Kōrero mai, Kōrero atuNationwide 24/7 confidential helpline, text, email, and webchat for anyone affected by sexual harm or concerned about their behaviour.
Visit: safetotalk.nz - Information and pathways
Safeguarding Children’s guidance on early concerns, red flags, and how to connect with specialist services.
Reaching out for help in this context is not a technicality or a loophole. It is an active step to prevent child sexual abuse and to protect children from lifelong harm.
At Safeguarding Children, our position is clear:
We expect strong systems, clear accountability, and zero tolerance for abuse.
We also expect organisations and leaders to make it possible for people to step forward early, before a child is harmed.
If we want to stop reading headlines like this, we must treat early help as essential safeguarding, not an optional extra.
Together we can make a difference.